


Coalescence

by RandomLifeUnit



Series: Paralyzed [3]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Aftermath of Violence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Smut, F/M, Flashbacks, Fluff, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, Mental Breakdown, NSFW chapter, Nightmares, Panic, Panic Attacks, Personal Growth, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Doubt, Self-Esteem Issues, Trauma, Whumptober
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:40:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 17,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28449318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RandomLifeUnit/pseuds/RandomLifeUnit
Summary: As he gains more support, Sean begins to slowly find his way to healing and facing new challenges.
Relationships: Original Female Character/Original Male Character
Series: Paralyzed [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2083797





	1. Supported

* * *

A pair of arms gently encircled him. Soft, comforting words were whispered in his ear. These things kept Sean grounded while his heart beat rapidly in his chest.  
Today was the pool party, just a few hours away, and Sean was in his room at home, with Rebecca. He knew logically that it was probably going to be just fine. That he was worrying for nothing. But his PTSD whispered otherwise. A chilling sensation of fear, and a connection to painful memories that still beat in his chest, defied all attempts at logic.  
"Hey," Rebecca said softly near his left ear, her arms still around him. "I'm here. It's going to be okay." Sean took a long breath. "I know. Thanks. I'm glad you're with me." He brought his arms up to embrace her, too. It felt good to hold and be held.  
"Let me try something, and see how you feel about it, okay?" Rebecca suggested. "Okay," Sean said, feeling prickles of doubt at her words, but trusting her not to steer him wrong.  
Rebecca slowly brought one hand between them, and gently slid it under his shirt to touch the scars across his midsection. Sean sucked in a shallow breath. Her fingers felt pleasant on his skin, yet at the same time, being touched awakened fragments of memories that he wished could stay buried. He tried to push away the faint whisper of panic that edged into the periphery of his consciousness.  
Rebecca started to hum a low, soothing melody near his ear as she gently traced the scars. "Is this okay?" she asked in a whisper. Sean nodded, leaning his head into her shoulder with a shuddering sigh. She kept humming and tracing slowly, back and forth, as the minutes ticked by. Slowly, Sean's breathing evened out, and the tension left his body bit by bit as his head got heavier on her shoulder. "Why don't you lay back?" she suggested, and Sean complied, the anxiety draining away to leave exhaustion in its wake. She kept humming as he lay on his back, his shirt lifted, with her fingers still tracing the scars. When she saw he'd dropped off to sleep, she slowly pulled his shirt back down, then covered him with a blanket, leaving a soft kiss on his temple.  
Stepping lightly down the stairs, she joined Dennis at the dining room table.  
"Hi, Rebecca," he smiled at her. "Where's Sean?" he asked, eyebrows raised questioningly. "He fell asleep," she answered. "I think all the nerves from this upcoming party were wearing him out. There should be plenty of time for him to take a little rest before we have to go."  
"Ohh, I see," Dennis replied. "I'm glad he's feeling more relaxed. You always seem to know how to help when his anxiety is running high." Rebecca smiled. "He's special to me," she replied simply.  
Dennis grinned, pleased this young lady was in his son's life. "I hope you know how happy it makes me to see you two together." Rebecca blushed lightly. "Thank you, Mr. Reynolds." Dennis stood and strode into the kitchen to wash the dishes. "Help yourself to the fridge if you get hungry," he called. "I will, thanks," she responded.

Rebecca slipped back up to Sean's room about an hour later, and sat on the floor next to his bed. For a little while, she just watched him sleep, then spent a little time quietly on her phone, messaging her friend, Angela. Sean began to stir slightly, his eyes still closed, and a frown creased his features in his sleep. Rebecca reached up to caress his face, and he sucked in a breath, eyes popping open, looking startled momentarily before realizing where he was and who was with him. He relaxed when he saw Rebecca's face, and felt her hand on his cheek. He brought a hand up to squeeze hers, smiling sleepily. "Hi," he said in a low voice, still feeling a little fuzzy. "Hey," she answered, smiling back. "Did you have a good sleep?"  
"I think so, but at the same time, you're awfully nice to wake up to," he said. Rebecca chuckled softly. Sean leaned his head closer to hers, and kissed her slowly, one hand coming up to cup the back of her neck. He felt like he couldn't get enough of these moments with her. She twined her fingers in his hair, and he felt like his heart was going to leave orbit. Suddenly he broke away, asking breathlessly, "What time is it? Do we need to leave?"  
"Pretty soon," she answered. "Maybe 15 or 20 minutes."  
"Uh--" he suddenly felt all the nervousness bubbling back up. "Yeah... just... give me five minutes. I'm going to change, and then I'll meet you downstairs." He hopped up off the bed. Rebecca nodded, gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, and left the room.  
Sean shut the door, changed into his swim shorts and a T-shirt, and grabbed a towel from the hall, stuffing it in his backpack. He nearly ran down the stairs in his haste.  
"Whoa there. You've still got a few minutes. Why don't you have a quick bite to eat?" his dad suggested as he joined them in the living room.  
Sean looked towards the kitchen, feeling too frazzled to think about food. "I think I'll wait on that," he answered. "I don't feel hungry."  
Rebecca stood, stepped into the kitchen, and returned. "Here, just have a little something." She set a can of cashews in his hands. "I don't think you've eaten much today."  
Sean grinned and ducked his head, scooping up a handful. "All right, you guys win. I admit defeat."  
The minutes dragged by excruciatingly slow, yet Sean still didn't feel prepared for it when it came time to leave. He jumped up from the couch and made for the door. Rebecca grabbed her bag and followed quickly behind him, exchanging a meaningful glance with Dennis. They all got in the SUV, and headed towards the community pool about 20 miles away. The sun shone brightly, warming the interior of the car. Dennis rolled the windows down to let the breeze cool them.  
Sean fidgeted, checking his watch, and looking out the window as if to check their location. Rebecca took his hand. "Hey," she said, putting her other hand on his face. "It's going to be okay, all right? I'll be right here with you. And we can leave anytime if you feel like you need to."  
"Okay," he answered, blowing out a breath. He looked down at his feet. "It's just... I'm just..." he sighed.  
"You don't have to explain. I know this is hard for you. It's okay." She squeezed his hand.  
"I wish it wasn't like this. I wish I could be better...for you."  
"I like you just the way you are, Sean. I don't need you to change. All I want is you, here with me, right now."  
"Okay. I can do that. That's about all I can do," he chuckled self-consciously.  
"That's all I ask," she smiled. "Just be here, be with me, and it's okay if things don't go the way you hope. Even if they go terribly---which I doubt they will---I'll still be here."  
"Thank you," he sighed.


	2. The Plunge

* * *

Dennis pulled up to a stop in front of the community pool that had been rented out for the occasion. "What time do you want me to come back for you two?" he asked. Rebecca answered for them. "How about we just call you when we're ready?"  
"Sounds good," he responded. Sean stepped out onto the sidewalk, and Rebecca climbed out to stand next to him. She took his hand and nodded to Dennis, who waved and pulled away from the curb. Turning to Sean, she gave him a lingering hug. "You can choose how you want this to go today, okay? If you want to just leave your shirt on, you can. If you want to swim, swim; if not, then don't. Don't feel pressured to do anything you're not ready for." Her words gave him a measure of calm, and he nodded, holding her close, inclining his head to breathe in her sweetness for just a moment. Stepping back, he took her hand and together, they strode through the entrance, the sun warming their backs. Shouts of laughter and background chatter reached their ears from the poolside. Sean spotted Jonathan near the pool and headed in his direction.  
"Hey, you made it!" Jonathan called, seeing the pair headed his way. His wet hair glistened in the sunlight. "Whoa now, when did _this_ happen?" he teased, gesturing to Sean and Rebecca's joined hands. "You two look like you've gotten a little closer since we last saw each other," he winked. Sean looked uncomfortably at Rebecca, and she smiled at him, her cheeks slightly pink. Sean cleared his throat. "Yeah, I guess we have," he grinned sheepishly at his friend. Jonathan just laughed. "Aw, I'm just giving you a hard time. I'm happy for you guys." He pointed over to a nearby table. "There are drinks and snacks in that direction, if you get hungry. Have fun!" Taking a running leap for the pool, he yelled, "Cannonball!" Shouts and shrieks erupted around him as the spray soaked those nearby.  
Rebecca spotted her friend Angela, and headed her direction, with Sean in tow. "Hey, Becca!" Angela enthused when she spotted the couple, waving them over. "Hi, Sean," she greeted him, as well. "Hi, Angela," he responded. "How are you?" Rebecca smiled, and the two began chatting animatedly. Sean decided to wander over to the snack table and grabbed a soda, some chips, and veggies. His stomach growled in anticipation. Finding a nearby lounge chair, he stretched out to watch the pool activities and munch on the snacks. The teens had set up a volleyball net across the shallower end of the pool, and Sean found himself wishing he could join in. He felt conflicted, though, and remained seated, finishing his plate and draining the rest of his soda. He stood and tossed the can and plate into the trash, and strode over to Rebecca to take her hand. "No way, I can't believe you actually said that," she remarked to Angela.  
"Oh you bet I did! He should know better than to treat me like that. That will show him, the rat," Angela said with a wry smile.  
"Come on now, you've got to make peace with your poor brother. You're stuck with him a few more years until he leaves for college, after all," Rebecca chuckled.  
"I know, but it's not like I'm going to make it easy on him. You know that!" she laughed. Rebecca laughed with her, squeezing Sean's hand. She told Angela, "I think I might grab something to drink. Do you want anything?"  
"Oh I'm good, thanks. You going to get in the water? I think I might head that direction." Angela ran a hand through her blonde hair. "Maybe," Rebecca smiled. "Have fun!" She moved towards the drinks, selecting a fruity sparkling water. "How are you doing?" she asked Sean, looking into his eyes. He felt like he could melt into her gaze. "Uh, pretty well, actually," he responded. "I was watching the volleyball game. I almost feel like I want to go join in." Rebecca watched his face, taking a sip of her drink. "You know I'm happy to join you, if you want me," she said. "Oh I definitely want you on my team," he smiled, feeling his heart rate accelerate, both in excitement and anxiety. She gave him a light punch on the arm and winked. "That's only because you know I'm serious competition if I play for the other team." He chuckled nervously, and linked his arm in hers. "Oh, I have no doubts of that whatsoever," he assented. "Do you need to head back to the locker rooms to change?"  
"Yes," she replied, "But I should only be a minute. I'll be back out in a jiffy."  
"Okay," he answered. As she strode off, he wondered if he was making a big mistake. He wasn't sure yet if he wanted to expose his scars. Yet, he knew he needed to push through and get this over with. Maybe it would help make it easier to build his friendships back up if he didn't have this secret hanging between them and him. He sat on the edge of a chair, took off his backpack, took out his towel, and slipped off his shoes and socks, stuffing them into the pack. Rebecca strode back towards him, now in a royal blue swimsuit with white dots. Sean stood and took her hand, feeling swamped by conflicting emotions. She stepped near and took his other hand. "Do you want to keep your shirt on, or take it off?" she asked softly. His answer seemed to stick in his throat, but he turned away from the activity at the pool and stripped his shirt off quickly, before he could think about it anymore. He stood for a long moment with his heard pounding, trying to remember to breathe. Rebecca rubbed his back with one hand. "You okay?" she asked, gently. He nodded slowly, glad she was still there. Forcing air into his lungs, he turned back, taking her hand again. "Let's just do this, I guess," he said to her, and stepped towards the pool, his gut churning.  
As they approached, the teens seemed too caught up in their game to notice, and Sean felt inordinately relieved as he stepped into the water, glad it would obscure most of his scars for the time being. Rebecca got in next to him, giving him a little splash and smiling. She leaned close and whispered, "You did it."  
"I guess so," he replied, a semblance of a smile beginning to form. "What do we do now?" he felt a little uncertain. "Want to do a few laps in the deep end to warm up?" she suggested. "Sure," Sean responded, following her lead. They ducked around the outer edge of the volleyball net and headed for deeper water. A little while later, after they had both swam laps for a bit, Rebecca asked if Sean still wanted to play volleyball. "I'd like to, but...I don't know," he sighed as they clung to the edge of the pool, treading water.  
"Well, it looks like this game is coming to an end. Let's see if they'll play another, and we can try to team up together?" she said, trying to help support him in whatever he wanted to do. "It should be okay, the water seems deep enough there that you shouldn't have to worry, I think."  
"Yeah, you're right, I see that," he nodded, and started making his way back over towards the game, looking back to make sure Rebecca was following. As they drew near, the cheers from the team who was winning were competing with the shouts from some of those spectating. The game concluded with lots of noisy celebrations from the winners. Jonathan was on the losing team, and he booed loudly, but still came over to clap some of his friends on the back and congratulate them.  
Another game started to get underway, and Sean and Rebecca scooted into the lineup to pick teams. Sean felt more than a little disappointed when Rebecca got picked for the opposing team, but he tried not to show it. As he got into position and the game began, Sean felt his anxieties melting away as the afternoon progressed. He watched Jonathan leap for the volleyball as it headed in his direction. He missed spectacularly, landing in the water with a splash, his friends erupting in laughter as he came up sputtering. _Jonathan never does anything halfway, that's for sure,_ Sean thought as he chuckled. He spotted Angela sitting at the edge of the pool, her feet dangling in the water, cheering and laughing at Jonathan's antics.  
Sean felt great being able to participate in the fun, but Rebecca's team was in it to win. He wasn't sure who would come out ahead, but it was fun watching her, and how much she was obviously enjoying herself. She glanced his direction, and he gave her a thumbs up.  
Finally the game came to a close, with Sean's team taking the win. He felt surprised and pleased, and laughed at Jonathan strutting around like a peacock at being on the winning team. Jonathan strode through the water over to Angela, scooping her up, and depositing her in with a splash, as her shriek pierced the air. "You can't have fun if you're only going to get your feet wet!" he guffawed, as Angela came up swinging, dashing a huge spray of water right into his face. Rebecca came over to Sean, laughing at the two of them, and gave Sean a hug. He chuckled. "I'd almost swear those two were brother and sister, if I didn't know better," "Hmm, I hear you there," Rebecca giggled. "Honestly though, I think Jonathan's a little sweet on her, and that might be why he loves to pester her so much."  
"Really?" This surprised Sean, but now that he thought about it, it made total sense. "How did I miss that?" he wondered.  
"It doesn't look like she minds too much," Rebecca chuckled, as Angela began laughing and lunged towards Jonathan, who was sputtering and coughing. She pounded on his back, trying to help dislodge whatever water he had inhaled. "I think he's going to be just fine, now that Angela is taking care of him," Rebecca laughed, and Sean joined her, snickering at his two friends. Jonathan seemed none the worse for wear, and spun around to tickle Angela, who squealed and splashed away from him.  
Sean sighed deeply, feeling a little weary from all the excitement. "I think I'm ready to get out and relax a little. What do you think?" he asked his friend. "That sounds fine to me," Rebecca said. They climbed out of the pool, Sean reaching quickly for his towel. Rebecca toweled off her hair, and then wrapped the towel around herself. They reclaimed a lounge chair and Sean scooted to one edge to make room for her. Settling in together, he put one arm around her. A contented sigh left her as she put her head on his shoulder. He turned and pressed a kiss onto her damp hair. His eyes closed for a few moments as he leaned his head against hers. The sun felt warm and he found himself dozing off.  
Rebecca shifted next to him, and he startled awake. "Whoa, sorry I fell asleep on you," he said. "That's okay, I think I might have snoozed a bit, too," she answered with a yawn. "You're so warm and cozy." Sean smiled and held her a little closer. "So are you." Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Angela and Jonathan heading their way. He inhaled sharply and looked down to make sure his towel still covered his scars. "Hey you two," Jonathan called, his arm over Angela's shoulder. "Things are wrapping up here, and we wanted to see if you want to join us at my house for dinner. We're starving!" Angela giggled. Sean glanced at Rebecca with his eyebrows up. She nodded at him. "Sure," he responded. "Would it work if we rode with you guys?"  
"No problem, we've got room!" Jonathan said. "Okay," Sean answered. "Are you leaving now?"  
"Yep, if you're ready," his friend replied. "Sure," Sean lied, feeling anything but as he reached for his backpack. Next to him, Rebecca pulled her shorts on over her suit and rolled her towel up. Seeing no other option, Sean grabbed his shirt and shoes out, and shrugged into the T-shirt as quickly as he could, stashing his towel in his bag. A low whistle came from Jonathan's mouth. "Those are some pretty gnarly scars there, dude," he commented. "When did _that_ happen?" Sean froze. His face reddened as he tied his shoes. Trying to come up with a simple answer, he opened his mouth, but closed it again. "Maybe we could talk about it in the car," he said quietly, looking around nervously. Rebecca came over to hold his hand as he stood. "Sure," Jonathan answered, looking surprised but agreeable. "We're over this way," he said, jerking a thumb towards the parking lot. The four friends walked in silence to the waiting car. On the way, Sean texted his dad to let him know where they were headed.

His heart pounded as they climbed into the backseat of the vehicle. Rebecca slid in next to him, and they fastened their seat belts. Jonathan adjusted the rear-view mirror and started the car, and Angela buckled up next to him in the passenger's seat. "So...what happened?" Jonathan prompted, his gaze colliding with Sean's in the mirror as he pulled away from the lot. Other vehicles were leaving as well as the pool began to close. Rebecca gave Sean's hand an encouraging squeeze and leaned her shoulder against his. He swallowed hard. He wanted to talk about this, but it was still difficult. _It's just Jonathan and Angela,_ he reminded himself. He cleared his throat. "Well...do you remember about 8 months ago, when I dropped out of school?" Jonathan nodded as he navigated traffic. "Sure...I always wondered what happened," he answered.  
Sean gulped. "What happened was...um...I got kidnapped." It sounded so strange coming out of his mouth. Jonathan's eyes widened and his mouth fell open. _"What?!"_ he exclaimed. He looked back at Sean briefly before returning his eyes to the road. Angela gasped audibly and turned in her seat to look back. "Yeah..." Sean said, not sure what to say next. "I have so many questions," Jonathan said, still looking somewhat flabbergasted. "Like what?" Rebecca answered this time, when Sean remained silent.  
"Like... how long were you there...where were you taken? Did your dad get you out? Why have you been out of school so long? And... how badly were you hurt? Jeez, that must have been horrible," Jonathan went on.  
Sean felt mild panic at all the questions. He didn't know which one to answer first, and the intensity of the moment made him feel like it was hard to breathe. Rebecca put her hand on his chest and whispered softly in his ear, "It's okay. Just take a deep breath. You don't have to answer right now if you're not ready." Sean nodded, breathing deeply and exhaling slowly. Jonathan cast a worried glance at him from the front seat. "I'm sorry, man," he said apologetically. "It's okay," Sean said. He tried to think of how to answer. "I don't know where I was taken. I got knocked out on my way to work after school had let out. I was.... tortured..." he choked a little on the word and squeezed his eyes shut. "The police found me late that evening. I woke up in the hospital---my dad was there. I had a lot of stitches." Angela's hand came up over her mouth. Jonathan's jaw worked as he came to a stop in front of his house. He turned off the ignition, but didn't make any move to get out.  
Silence descended momentarily. Sean felt like he'd just dropped a bomb on everyone.  
"I am so, so sorry," Angela finally said softly, looking Sean in the eyes. Jonathan unbuckled his seat belt and turned to face Sean. _"God._ I don't even know what to say." He rubbed at the side of his face absently with one hand. "That sounds horrifying."  
"Yeah," Sean answered quietly, feeling his heart sink. He didn't want to spoil everyone's fun. "Sorry to kill the mood."  
"What?! No, it's fine!" Jonathan said. "Do you still want to come in?" he inclined his head towards the house. "Sure," Sean said quietly. Rebecca unbuckled and they both climbed out together. She kept a tight hold on his hand. Sean's insides felt wobbly, and he was glad for Rebecca's firm grip. It felt like it was helping him stay in one piece. He wasn't so sure about eating dinner now, but he followed her inside.  
The four were quiet as they stepped in the house. Jonathan ducked up the stairs for a moment to greet his mother. He came back down. "My mom already ate, but she said to help ourselves to whatever we're hungry for," he said. He popped open the freezer. "How about some chicken wings?" Rebecca and Angela agreed readily. Sean wasn't sure he would eat, but he nodded anyway, not wanting to be a bother. He sat at the table, and Rebecca came behind his chair to rub his back with one hand.  
Jonathan arranged the frozen wings on a baking pan, and turned the oven on. Angela grabbed some plates down from the cupboard, setting them on the table. Rebecca sat down next to Sean. He took her offered hand gratefully. Jonathan slid the pan into the oven, setting the timer, and then sat down opposite Sean at the table. Angela took the seat next to him.  
"So..." Jonathan started. Sean kept his head down. "That's pretty wild," Jonathan continued. "I mean, it's kind of the last thing I expected to hear. You know?"  
"Yeah," Sean answered, glancing up briefly. "So now you know why I dropped out of school."  
"Right," Jonathan answered. "But what I don't get is why you didn't come back? I mean, after you had time to recover?" At this, Sean made a face, unsure if he was fully able to articulate an answer. He hesitated long enough that Rebecca jumped in. "Well, if you think about it," she told Jonathan, "It might be hard to revisit the usual routes you took when something like that happened to you. Lots of memories would be attached to it."  
"Oh, okay, I think I get it," Jonathan said. Angela nodded. "I do school from home, now," Sean said quietly, not looking up. "That makes sense," Angela agreed.  
Rebecca decided to steer the conversation in a different direction. "Great job on the game today," she smiled at Jonathan. "That was a lot of fun."  
Sean breathed a quiet sigh of relief as his friends began chatting about other topics. Then the wings came out of the oven, and he found his appetite had reasserted itself with a vengeance.  
They split the wings between themselves, Jonathan grabbing some drinks for everyone. "Ooooh, lookie what I found here," he grinned, pulling some cookie dough out of the refrigerator. Angela clapped her hands together. "Yum!" Rebecca looked expectantly at the package. "So the big question is, do we wait and bake them, or just demolish this package here and now?" She giggled. They all agreed that baking it would take too long, and portioned out the dough between the four of them. "Hope my mom didn't need these for anything important," Jonathan chuckled.

Later that evening, Sean said goodbye to Rebecca in her garage as his dad waited in the vehicle outside. Holding her close, he sighed deeply. "I don't think I've ever been so exhausted in my life. Thank you for helping me get through today." Rebecca caressed his hair, smiling. "You faced a lot of fears today. It's no wonder you're worn out. I'm glad you were able to go and have fun, and I hope you're proud of yourself for everything you accomplished."  
"I think once I get some rest, I'll have some energy leftover to feel proud," he said with a half-smile. "I'm just relieved today is over. But I'm so glad you were part of it. I couldn't have gotten through it without you."


	3. Intermission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sean and Rebecca were lying together quietly in Rebecca's room. It was quiet all around, and her door was locked this time. Sean desperately wanted to be more intimate with Rebecca, but cold dread warred with desire. Heart racing, he tried to quiet the nagging voice of fear as he lay next to the person he felt the most at home with in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heads up for smut/NSFW content. If that’s not your thing, you can safely omit this chapter without missing anything too important. :)

* * *

Sean and Rebecca were lying quietly together in Rebecca's room. It was quiet all around, and her door was locked this time. Sean desperately wanted to be more intimate with Rebecca, but cold dread warred with desire. Heart racing, he tried to quiet the nagging voice of fear as he lay next to the person he felt the most at home with in the world.   
As they lay together, fully clothed, Sean could feel Rebecca's calm and ease. Hands intertwined, they cuddled together, and she pressed a light kiss to Sean's cheek. Her lips sought out his tenderly, and slowly he responded in kind, angling his head towards hers as their kiss deepened. She began combing her fingers through his hair, and Sean felt his insides start to melt. Wrapping his arms around her, he suddenly felt like he couldn't get enough of this feeling. Trailing kisses down her jawline into her neck, he whispered, "I love you," desperate to share these feelings coursing through his heart and body. "I love you, too, Sean," she whispered back, cupping the side of his face with one hand.   
Heart pounding, he kissed her hungrily, his tongue seeking out hers, his body subtly moving towards hers of its own volition. She responded in kind, her arms pulling him towards her as her breathing became shallower. He longed to touch her in places he had never dared before. His body ached in ways that kissing alone couldn't satisfy. Heart pounding, he felt a frisson of fear as he envisioned taking this further than they ever had. Anxiety poured icewater onto the fire in his veins, and he subsided, panting, next to her.   
Rebecca placed a warm hand on his chest. "Hey," she softly called to him. "Are you okay? What's wrong?"  
Sean covered his face with both hands and sighed deeply. "Just...ugh...I'm sorry. I want to be here---with you---like this, but it's...hard for me. I love you, but..." he groaned, overcome by shame. "I still feel...scared." His hands muffled the words as he curled away from her, beginning to shake slightly.   
"Hey, hey, it's okay," she coaxed gently. "I understand. Please, don't feel bad about it. We can stop right here if you want to."   
"That's just it!" he burst out, frustration infusing his words. "I _don't_ want to. Not really. I don't know why this is so hard for me."   
"I think I understand why," Rebecca responded softly. "Someone hurt you in a very personal way, and I imagine that could make it hard for you to relax when we get close like this." Sean stared at her for a moment. "I guess you're right. But...what do I do? How...can we...?" He couldn't finish the question as embarrassment froze the words in his throat.   
"How about we just go really slow, and see how you feel?"   
"But---" he protested. "That's not fair to you. You've been having to go slow with me from day one. I just...hate that about me, the part of me that's always scared."   
"I love every part of you, Sean. I just hope you can begin to trust me on that. I'm not frustrated with you or with taking it slow. I love getting to know you, and if that means taking a month, six months, or longer to get to the next step, I'm okay with that," she smiled. "I'm okay with _you_. I see your heart, and I like what I see."   
Tears welled up in Sean's eyes. "But how can you love the parts of me that are so...broken?" he choked on the word, a sob rising in his throat. Rebecca pulled him firmly to her, wrapping her arms around him tightly as he clung to her. "Broken or not, you're wonderful to me. I see you, and how hard you've been fighting. How much you've had to overcome, and you've never given up! You're so strong---you just can't see it clearly yet," she whispered fervently in his ear, pressing her cheek to his.   
Sean breathed in her scent, letting his tears fall into her hair, feeling the truth of her words slowly seeping into his heart. Maybe he was expecting too much from himself. Maybe this was okay after all. Maybe--maybe he should trust her with his shortcomings as well as his victories.  
He shuddered a sigh into her neck as his tears subsided, whispering, "Thank you."   
"Always," she whispered back, her love evident to him in her voice, her fervor, her embrace.   
Holding to him tightly, she left slow, lingering kisses on his cheek, his ear, down his neck, and across his collarbone. He felt the warmth from her lips began to spread and heat his body from the inside out. His breath heaving, he captured her mouth in his, a hand coming up to cup the back of her neck. She kissed him back with obvious desire, her breath fanning his cheek when his lips released hers. "I love you," he said again, hoarsely. "I love you too," she responded, pulling him close and pressing her forehead to his. With uneven breaths, he inhaled her warmth, as indecision gave him pause. She paused with him, giving him time to calm his racing heart. Tracing his lips with a finger, she held his chin as she kissed him slowly, languidly, drawing out the moment as his body seemed to both ignite and melt simultaneously. Tentatively, he asked, "Is this okay?" as he slowly, hesitantly began to pull her shirt hem free from her jeans. She nodded eagerly, but he stopped, unable to continue, as his hands began to shake. "It's all right," she soothed, as she instead slid her hand under his shirt, once again tracing his scars, beginning to hum softly as she did. Sean's breath slowed, a soft sigh escaping him as the melodic sound filled his conciousness. Her fingers continued to trace the scars as he relaxed into it, breathing deeply. The humming continued as her hand reached upward to feel his chest, causing his breathing to quicken again. She slowly slid his shirt upward, helping him free himself from it. He panted a bit, eyes averted as she now had a full view of his scarred torso.   
Sitting up, she went back to tracing his scars, pausing to press a kiss slowly and lovingly into his abdomen. Her lips on his skin sparked an inadvertent shudder throughout his frame. He closed his eyes tightly. "I wish..." he whispered, then stopped. After a pause, she asked softly, "Do you want to keep going?" as her fingers moved across his belly. He nodded, not trusting his voice. He brought one hand up to cover his eyes, unable to look as she slowly began to undo the button on his jeans. He heard and felt the zipper going down, his breathing shallow and rapid as conscious thought felt scattered to the wind. A deep gasp left him as she reached into his pants to slowly ran her hand along his arousal through his boxers, igniting feelings in him that left his breath shuddering and heaving. She leaned down near his ear and said softly, "Are you okay with this? Do you want me to stop?"  
"Yes---no---I don't know," he whispered, embarrassment creeping up his neck. "Maybe we could pause a little to let you catch your breath?" she said, her own breathing not unaffected, either. He nodded, feeling both relief and sharp disappointment as she withdrew her hand and placed it on his chest instead.   
"This is all really new. It's ok to not be sure about it yet," she said, tracing doodles over his sternum. He slowly uncovered his eyes, looking into hers, as she cuddled back up against him. His arm came around her to pull her close. "Thanks," he said, his voice cracking, as he leaned in to kiss her again. Her hands came around him and her fingers pressed into his back as the fire lept higher in his veins, eliciting a soft groan from him as she pressed her body to his. His hands began to fumble with her shirt again, his movements jerky, yet urgent as he tried to free it from her pants. She reached down to help him, sliding it off her head and depositing it on the floor. Sean froze for a moment, unsure where to place his hands now that her upper body was bare, except for her bra. Rebecca gently guided his arms around her and he held her closely, beginning to relax as he breathed in her sweetness. She wrapped her arms around him as well and he began to slowly caress the small of her back, amazed at how soft her skin was. Her soft sounds of pleasure thrilled his heart and he kissed her even more breathlessly. She slowly took hold of his arm, placing her hand on his, and gently laid it on her breast, removing her hand to caress his waist under the edge of his waistband. His breath caught in his throat--what was he supposed to do now?! But as her touch on his hip cirlced a little lower, it fueled his passion, and he bent to kiss her neck as he gently ran his fingers over her nipple through the fabric of her bra, thrilling at the feel of her body. She moaned softly into his shoulder, fueling his desire even further. He wasn't sure he could handle this much longer--his body felt like a rubber band stretched taut, all the tension and passion pushing him to the edge. Yet, the anxiety dampened the sharpness of it, and he found it difficult to relax fully into the moment. Her touch began to move lower again, under his pants, then under his boxers this time, as she began to explore his length unhampered by the fabric separating them. He gasped and moaned as her motions became more rhythmic, moving faster, until she suddenly brought him crashing past the brink of control, shuddering and moaning loudly into her neck as his hips writhed and bucked under her touch. He clutched her shoulders tightly, spasming in pleasure until he lay, spent, next to her. She withdrew her hand, wiping it briefly on his jeans, then kissed him softly and murmured soft words as his breath heaved and his brain felt fuzzy with love. He pulled her to him, holding her close, not even sure how to articulate how he was feeling. "Sorry for the mess..." he started to say, but she quickly shushed him. "Nothing to be sorry about, love," she asserted, looking deeply into his eyes. He returned her loving gaze, finding no reproach there, and closed his eyes with a relieved sigh. "Do you by chance have a towel or something?" he asked as he opened his eyes, his face reddening. Rebecca nodded and planted a quick kiss on his nose and hopped up, retrieving her shirt from the floor. "I'll be right back," she promised, and Sean nodded. She quietly left the room, shutting the door behind her. Feeling a little exposed, he shrugged back into his shirt and pulled it down over the front of his jeans, not sure how to rectify the situation. In a few moments, Rebecca came back with a hand towel, and giggled as she helped him stuff it into his pants. "There," she smiled, stifling another chuckle. "All fixed!" she pronounced, brushing her hands together as if to finalize the solution. Sean busted out laughing, his embarrassment evaporating as she dissolved into laughter next to him, wiping tears from her eyes. "I love you," she said, smiling broadly, unable to keep a final giggle at bay. "I love you, too, he responded, pulling her close once more and relaxing into her mutual embrace.


	4. Backlash

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Setting the phone aside, he curled back up in bed, wishing he could just disappear. He wasn't sure he could handle these feelings. He felt like he'd really messed everything up, wanting to take things to the next level. Now what was he supposed to do? He wished he could take it all back. He squeezed his eyes shut, feeling like everything was a mistake.

* * *

Sean's phone vibrated as he lay in bed late the next morning, on a Saturday. He opened it to find a message from Rebecca, but he felt almost powerless to reply. He felt intense dread when he thought about seeing her again, even though his mind he knew she probably wouldn't have anything negative whatsoever to say about the night before. He just felt so exposed and uncertain. Images flashed through his mind...their bare skin, his scars, her touches...and he almost choked as shame burned in his gut. Setting the phone aside, he curled back up in bed, wishing he could just disappear. He wasn't sure he could handle these feelings. He felt like he'd really messed everything up, wanting to take things to the next level. Now what was he supposed to do? He wished he could take it all back. He squeezed his eyes shut, feeling like everything was a mistake.  
His phone rang about an hour later. It was Rebecca again. A shiver ran down his spine. He told himself to answer it, but his mind spun in indecision as he held the phone. By the time he'd made up his mind to pick up, the call went to voicemail.  
A little later, he heard a knock at his bedroom door. "Sean?" Dennis called through the closed door. "You awake? It's almost noon." Sean sighed and climbed out of bed. "Yeah," he said, opening the door. His father asked, "You okay there, Bud? Rebecca just called me. She couldn't get ahold of you. Is everything all right?"  
Sean's breath seized in his throat, and he covered his face with his hands. He didn't even know what to say. It was all so embarrassing.  
Dennis came closer and wrapped Sean in a bear hug. "Hey now, it's okay," he soothed. "I don't know what's wrong, but we'll figure it out," he said. "Thanks, Dad," Sean replied, heaving a sigh. "I just feel so... embarrassed... right now."  
Dennis led Sean over to the bed, and they sat down. "Do you want to talk about it?" Sean kept his eyes averted. "I'm not sure how." "Did something happen between you and Rebecca?" Dennis surmised. Sean nodded slowly, then ventured haltingly, "We got...closer...last night, but now I don't...know..." he stopped, clapping a hand over his mouth, too mortified to continue.  
Understanding dawned on his father's face. He said carefully, "Maybe you're stepping out into uncharted territory in your relationship, huh? Things getting more...intimate?" Sean nodded jerkily, looking defeated. "That's a tough place to be in," Dennis sympathized. "Is everything still okay between the two of you? You didn't have a fight, did you?" he wanted to clarify. "No, no fight," Sean replied. "Well, it sounds to me like maybe you feel a little nervous on where to go from here?" his dad said, putting an arm over his son's shoulders. Sean's head bobbed up and down as his gaze remained averted. Dennis continued. "It's really normal for this to feel uncomfortable and awkward in the early stages. I don't know anyone who didn't feel that way at first. That doesn't mean that you did something wrong; it just means you need more practice." He smiled.  
"But...what if...what if she didn’t like it? What if it was bad...I can’t undo it, can’t take it back. What if I’ve ruined our relationship?" Sean groaned and dragged a hand across his face. "It just feels like it was too much of a risk. Too much, too fast."  
"It _is_ a big risk," Dennis answered. "I think it’s understandable that you feel this way, but at the same time, I don’t think you made the wrong choice. You know, the best thing you can do is talk this over with Rebecca. Sounds like you need to clear the air between you." Sean sighed deeply and dragged a hand across his face. He pinched the bridge of his nose. "That's what I'm afraid of."  
"From what I can see, unless she’s had a sudden change of personality, then she's going to continue to be kind and supportive of you, even if things are changing in your relationship," Dennis reminded. Sean looked up. "Yeah, that's true," he said, not entirely convinced. "Sometimes I worry that she’s only with me—" he gulped, "—out of pity." He turned his head away with a grimace.   
Dennis looked surprised. "Pity? No way. Pity couldn’t carry a relationship this far. If she didn’t have true feelings for you, she wouldn’t still be around." Sean considered this as his dad went on. "Just—don't leave her hanging, okay? She's worried about you, and I know you both care deeply for each other." Sean blew out a breath. "Yeah, you're right," he answered, seeing no help for it.   
Suddenly a firm knock at the door downstairs startled them both.   
"What if that's her?" Sean gulped, anxiety flaring in his gut. "I'd consider that a good thing," Dennis replied lightly, standing and heading downstairs with purposeful strides. Sean stood and paced his room, feeling panic starting to overtake him. He heard murmuring voices for a few minutes from downstairs, and he wished he could escape this confrontation somehow.   
Footsteps sounded on the stairs and Sean raked a hand through his hair roughly, huffing out a strained breath.   
"Sean?" Rebecca's uncertain voice called from behind the partially open door. "Can I come in?"  
"Yeah," he answered, facing his window, feeling agitated. Downstairs, he heard the front door slam. "Your dad said to tell you he's going out for awhile, and not to expect him back till later this afternoon," Rebecca said as she entered his room, shutting the door behind her.  
Sean's face paled. "Okay," he answered, half-turned away from her.   
Rebecca crossed the room to him. "What's wrong?" she asked softly, touching his arm lightly. He flinched away, feeling like a complete idiot. "I'm sorry," he said, covering his face with one hand.   
"It’s okay. Come sit with me. Whatever is wrong, we'll work it out." She slowly took his free hand and pulled lightly to bring him towards the bed. He stopped at the edge, hesitant to sit down. "Just a little further," she coaxed, tugging resolutely. Reluctantly, he sat down on the edge of the bed, fidgeting with his hands in his lap. Silence descended on them.  
"Is this about last night?" Rebecca broke the stillness with a soft query.  
Sean closed his eyes tightly and inwardly cringed. "Uh...yeah," he answered, mentally kicking himself.   
Rebecca wrapped her arms around him. "You don't have to worry about that. It was wonderful," she smiled. Sean could think of a million ways it could have gone better. His posture tense, he remained silent in her embrace.   
"Come here," she said tenderly, her voice gentle and full of compassion. She eased Sean down to lie next to her on the bed, scooting in close to him and enveloping him in a warm embrace. They lay there together, as Sean listened to her even breathing and tried to relax.   
Rebecca pulled his head up onto her chest, her hands gently combing through his hair in a rhythmic motion. He could hear her heartbeat thudding softly beneath his ear.  
Something about her touch had him suddenly sobbing into her neck, his body shaking as he felt overcome by emotion. Rebecca just held him tighter, rubbing his back and whispering loving words in his ear. "It's okay," she soothed. "Just let it all out. I'm here. I love you, so much." His tears slowly subsiding, Sean lay in her embrace, his breath shuddering, as she went back to combing her fingers through his hair. "You’re going to be okay," she murmured softly, her voice resonating in her chest as he listened to her steady heartbeat.  
Sean felt warm and cared for. Part of him loved this feeling, while on the other hand, he felt that it was ridiculous that he needed all this special attention. He sat up suddenly and grabbed a tissue from his nightstand, blew his nose, then lobbed it into the trashcan. It felt awkward to return to Rebecca's embrace, but lay back down nonetheless. The feelings of self-deprication began to recede as Rebecca held him, and his face grew warm as he started to be more aware of her closeness. Memories of the night before started to leap into his mind again, and his face grew warm. He reached a tentative hand to touch the side of her face, and she reflexively looked down at him, her gaze tender and full of love. Face burning and heart pounding, he tipped his head up to capture her lips in a hesitant kiss. He felt like his heart would burst at the touch of her mouth on his, and he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her even closer to him. Their kiss grew more and more passionate until he finally drew back, his breath heaving. His eyes searched hers, feeling confused and a little overwhelmed by the feelings coursing through him.  
"I love you, Sean," Rebecca said, her hand coming up to cup the side of his face. "I love you, too," he responded, touching her soft hair, tracing a hand over her features, memorizing every detail. His heart beat with unspoken yearnings and things he wished he could say.  
"Is this okay?" she asked him softly, as she lightly ran a hand through his hair. "Are we okay?"   
"Yes," he replied. "I think so. This morning, I couldn't think straight. I felt like...like I'd made a big mistake, somehow, that I'd done everything wrong, and that it was going to ruin what we have together." His voice caught, and he cleared his throat. "I just... can't lose you, Rebecca. I couldn't bear it." He averted his eyes.   
Rebecca gathered him a little closer. "No way, you didn't ruin anything," she said, "and you didn't make a mistake in wanting us to be closer. I've been wanting it, too. Please don't worry about last night one bit; you're expecting too much of yourself. It's normal for the first time to be a little... awkward," she said with a wry smile. "It will get easier with time. You'll see. I don't regret any of this." She sighed in contentment and kissed his forehead.  
Sean's heart rate accelerated a bit. She wasn't disappointed in him? His heart soared, and he felt excited and a little overwhelmed at the possibilities ahead of them. "Is that true?" he asked, his face reddening. "That it gets easier, I mean?" As soon as the question left his mouth, he felt ridiculous for asking.   
"There's plenty of time to find out," Rebecca answered in a low voice, leaning closer and pressing a warm kiss to his lips. 


	5. Disequilibrium

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dennis shifted in his seat, and a serious look passed over his face. He hated to disturb this perfect moment, but he also hoped that Sean’s good spirits would help soften the hard edge of what he had to say next.  
> “I have some news you may not want to hear, but it needs to be said,” he began. Sean swallowed hard, his attention suddenly riveted on his father.

* * *

Dennis sat with Sean one evening at the dinner table. The evening sunlight slanted through the window, bathing everything in a golden glow. They had finished their evening meal, and were lingering over dessert as a comfortable silence filled the space between them. Just the week before, Sean had finally gotten his driver’s license, and the excitement and pride from that milestone still filled him at odd moments when the thought crossed his mind. He couldn’t quite believe he had finally scaled that seemingly insurmountable hurdle. Smiling broadly, he began chatting animatedly with his dad about his upcoming plans with his friends. Rebecca was having Angela and Jonathan over at her place soon, and Sean was inordinately pleased to be able to drive there himself. His father smiled, pride showing easily in his features as he sipped from his drink and listened. He couldn’t help but interject, “I’m so proud of you, son,” as he placed a hand on Sean’s shoulder. An answering smile spread across Sean’s face as a small bubble of laughter escaped him. “Thanks, Dad.” 

Dennis shifted in his seat, and a serious look passed over his face. He hated to disturb this perfect moment, but he also hoped that Sean’s good spirits would help soften the hard edge of what he had to say next.  
“I have some news you may not want to hear, but it needs to be said,” he began. Sean swallowed hard, his attention suddenly riveted on his father. Dennis looked him in the eye and continued. “There’s some serious talk going on between my boss and I about my position moving to a new location. Several months ago, our company opened a satellite office about 50 miles north of here, and my boss really wants me on that team. I’ve been putting him off as long as I can, but it seems we may need to move forward with this, perhaps very soon.”   
Sean’s mouth went dry as his mind leapt forward, playing out the scenario of what this meant for him.   
“Initially, I’d be simply commuting to the new location, but eventually, we’d need to look for a new place out there. Now, I can only imagine how this must feel for you. I know you and Rebecca really love each other, and I don’t want to come between the two of you one bit,” he said emphatically, his hands in motion as he spoke. “I wanted to talk this over with you and see if we could make this work for both of us. I’m really relieved that you just got your driver’s license, because that way if—or when—we do move, you’ll still be able to go and see her.” Sean nodded, a small island of comfort springing up amidst the ocean of uncertainty that had just flooded his soul.   
“Dad, I...” he began, unsure how to articulate how he felt without sounding petty or childish. “I don’t know if I can do this.” Dennis covered Sean’s hand with his own. “I don’t like having to take you away from everything you know, everything familiar. I especially don’t like having to move us so far away from Rebecca’s family. I like having her around, and she’s so good for you. I want you two to be together, no matter what happens.” Sean nodded, his eyebrows drawn together, trying to make sense of everything in his mind. “How soon would we have to leave?” he gulped. “It could be as soon as a couple months, but it could be longer, depending on how everything works out,” Dennis replied. Sean’s stomach dropped, one hand clenching under the table. “Okay,” he answered in a small voice.   
“My goal is to find a place with a spare bedroom. That way, maybe it could work out to have Rebecca out on weekends, if she wants to come, or maybe you could stay over at her place some weekends. I’ll let the two of you talk it out and maybe you can brainstorm something that will work.” Nodding, Sean sat unmoving until he was sure there wasn’t anything else forthcoming from his dad on the matter. “Do you mind if I go call Rebecca now?” he asked. “Sure, go ahead,” Dennis answered, knowing Sean would need to talk this out to make some sense of it. “Hey, I’m sorry about this. I know it’s not ideal for you.” Sean’s face fell, one hand clenched at his side. A quiet sigh escaped him as he answered, “It’s okay, Dad,” then scooted upstairs to his bedroom to talk in private.

Shutting his door, he quickly dialed Rebecca’s number, waiting anxiously for her to pick up. He winced at the bomb he was about to drop on her, his gut clenching in dread.   
“Hi, Sean,” her warm, familiar voice came through, and his shoulders relaxed slightly as he responded. “Hey there, Rebecca.” He made small talk for awhile, but finally blurted out what was on his mind. “I might be moving away in a few months.”   
Silence met him momentarily from Rebecca’s end, but she recovered enough to respond, “What?” in a tone laced with heavy disbelief. Guilt struck him forcibly as he scrambled to reassure her. “Dad says it’s about 50 miles away from here, and that he wants to find a place with a spare bedroom, so you could come stay over on weekends if you want to. Now that I can drive, I could also come to you, too. He says he doesn’t want this to come between us.” He finished in a rush, anxiety twisting in his gut.  
“Wow. This is...really unexpected,” she said, still somewhat bewildered. “I’m glad to hear that we can still be together. For a minute there, I was thinking the worst.”  
“Yeah. I know what you mean,” Sean grimaced. “I hope you know I’m going to do everything I can to be able to still see you regularly,” he went on. “I can’t lose you, Rebecca. It would kill me inside.”  
“Me too,” she answered, sounding a little choked up. “But you know I’d never let you go that easily,” she said, chuckling and sniffing. “I would haunt your dreams.” Sean laughed at her attempt to lighten the mood. “That could be a good thing,” he smiled. Rebecca laughed in earnest. “Ah, I see what you did there,” she chuckled, then asked abruptly, “Can I see you tomorrow?”   
“Sure, of course,” Sean answered quickly. “Just say when.”

The next afternoon, Rebecca made a beeline to Sean’s house, and they held each other tightly. Rebecca released him with a deep sigh. “I’m glad you’re here,” he told her. “Me too,” she responded. Lacing his fingers in hers, he led her over to the couch and sat down. She made to sit next to him, then at the last moment, sat on his lap with a giggle. He held her tight and kissed her long and slow, relishing this moment, trying not to think too hard about the future.

* * *

The following week, Dennis broke the news to Sean that he had accepted the new position at the satellite office, and would be beginning the commute on Monday. Empty boxes started appearing in the garage, and Dennis began sorting and packing storage items bit by bit.   
Sean tried to go about life as normal, but inside, he knew this would change everything. Part of him wanted to stay firmly in denial, shutting out this uncertainty swirling in his gut, but he also knew he didn’t have the luxury of remaining there. Plans needed to be made, but anxiety left him feeling as if he were about to be submerged by a relentless tide, drawing closer every day.

A few evenings later, the forecast was predicting high winds and heavy rain as the sky began to darken prematurely. Sean made sure he had a full charge on his cellphone, and lined up a couple of spare flashlights, checking the batteries in each. He unplugged the non-essential electronics from the wall in case of a power surge. Dennis went outside to pull the car into the garage, bringing the garbage bin from the curbside as well.  
Sean headed upstairs to his room. This upcoming move filled him with uneasiness already, and the coming storm compounded that feeling. Sitting at his desk, he lit a small candle there, one Rebecca had given him. He inhaled the vanilla cookie scent he knew she loved, feeling slightly comforted by the steady, warm glow of the flame. Staring at it for a few long moments, he suddenly felt a shiver of anxiety about her safety. Hitting the speed dial for her number, he waited impatiently, the fingers of his free hand drumming a steady beat as he waited for her to pick up. It seemed like it was about to go to voicemail when she breathlessly answered, “Hi Sean!”   
He responded warmly, silently letting out the breath he had been holding. “I hope I didn’t disturb you...?” he trailed off, wondering what she had been up to. “Oh not a bit!” she answered with a smile in her voice. “I was just running to grab my phone before I missed you! I must have left it in the back room when I’d been rummaging around in there for some yarn.”  
“Oh yeah?” he smiled into the phone. “Do you have a craft project going?” he asked in a playful tone. Rebecca giggled. “Yes, but you have to promise not to laugh, or I won’t tell you what it is.” Sean chuckled. “Cross my heart!” he promised, making the motion with one hand.   
“Okay, if you say so. I’m crocheting a sweater for Rascal. I saw something online and it looked so cute, I just had to. I’m pretty sure he’s going to hate me forever.” Sean laughed despite his promise, then apologized. “Sorry, sorry! I just couldn’t help it. I think it sounds great, but the mental image of Rascal and the look on his face...” he dissolved helplessly into further laughter.   
“It is pretty hilarious. I’ll be sure to send you a picture of him wearing it. I’m sure it will be memorable.”   
Sean tried to swallow the rest of his laughter, but was only marginally successful. “I’m sure it’s going to look great,” he chuckled. “And Rascal will just have to deal with it.”  
“Exactly!” she said with enthusiasm. “See? You get it.”   
“I look forward to seeing how it turns out.”   
“So how are you doing? Has the storm hit your place yet?”   
“Yeah, it’s pretty crazy. The wind is really kicking up, and the lights have been flickering a bit. Do you still have power over there?” Sean wondered.  
“Yeah,” she answered, “But Angela said their whole block is out. Hopefully the lines can get repaired soon for them. Storms can be exciting, but I don’t like extended power outages.”  
“Yeah, neither do I,” Sean agreed. He paused for a moment, wishing he could say what was on his mind, but feeling foolish. He pressed on anyway. “You know, about this move? I know I keep bringing it up, and I’m sorry, but... I’ve just been feeling so...” he paused and grimaced in disgust. “I hate feeling like such a baby about this stuff. Ugh, it’s so frustrating! But I just can’t seem to feel okay about it. Sometimes it feels like my whole world is ending, and I don’t know what to do about it. I still feel somewhere, deep down, like I’m losing you...and my friends, too...and I just can’t handle it.” He squeezed his eyes shut and ran a hand through his hair distractedly.  
“I’m sorry, love,” Rebecca answered softly. “You won’t be losing me, I can guarantee that. I’ll bet this is really hard for you, though. Haven’t you been in the same house since you were little?” Rebecca asked.  
“Yeah,” he swallowed, the thought causing an uncomfortable ache in his chest. “I might have to get rid of some of my stuff if we have to downsize. I wish I could just take this all in stride, but I just feel like a fish out of water. And...I know it’s completely unreasonable, but I get so angry that I’ve made this progress in healing, but now the rug is being pulled out from under me. Why does this have to happen now?” The pressure inside continued to build as he vented his feelings. “Here I’ve got all these little things I’ve accomplished, and it’s like they’re all being taken away. And I just can’t... _can’t_ go back to the way it was. I can’t go back to that dark place. Those memories...I just want to push it all away and be normal. Is that so much to ask?” Shame and sadness rose simultaneously at the words coming out of his mouth, and he fell silent.  
“I hear you,” Rebecca answered softly. “I can just imagine how it would feel for me if I had to leave all the things I found comforting and familiar for a place I didn’t know, when things were just starting to feel safe again.”  
“At least you don’t have all my stupid fears to deal with,” he said bitterly, regretting the words as soon as they left his mouth. He covered his face with his free hand, sighing into the phone. Rebecca’s voice firmed as she countered, “They’re _not_ stupid. I also haven’t ever been kidnapped and mutilated with a knife, either. How long has it been since that happened?” she asked.  
Sean felt shocked by the bluntness of her statement, but he couldn't deny the truth of it. “It’s been about nine months now. It feels like it just happened, yet also feels like it was in another lifetime.” He paused, a bittersweet heaviness in his heart. Outside, fat drops of rain began to pelt his window, but he continued, unheeding. “I get so fed up with everyone needing to tiptoe around me. Sometimes I just want to be tough, put my heart in a jar, and lock up these feelings of vulnerability and brokenness. I’m tired of hurting. I just want to be done.” He hung his head.  
“What you went through...it must have been awful. I wish there were a way to undo what was done to you. But you’re here, you survived, and you’ll make it out the other side. Maybe you’ll never be exactly the same person you were, but you’ll feel stronger in time. I’ll bet if you look back in your mind on how things were early on, you’ll be able to see how far you’ve come.”  
“But what if...what if this move sets me back. Way back? What if I have to...start over?” He asked, his voice cracking.  
“If that happens, just know that I’ll be right here with you no matter what. I love you, Sean, and even on your darkest days, I still want to be with you.”   
“Sometimes I feel like you’d be better off with someone else,” Sean said, choking on his quiet confession.  
“But I don’t want someone else; I want you.” Her voice was filled with confidence and pride.  
He wanted to argue with her, to tell her she was wrong— that she was too biased to see clearly. A sigh of exasperation left him as he struggled to acknowledge her words.  
“And I love you,” Rebecca added, her voice softening. “I know it’s hard to believe sometimes, but I do, and I don’t have any intentions of stopping.”  
Sean blew out a breath. He lowered his head and said quietly, “Okay. You win.”   
“I hope you mean that,” she answered gently, with a smile. “I hope you know you are always loved and wanted.” Tears formed in Sean’s eyes, and he wiped them away with a thumb. “Thanks, Rebecca. I love you, too.”  
A particularly strong gust of wind hurled rain and hail against the window outside, and it abruptly brought Sean’s awareness back to his surroundings. “Wow, this storm is really kicking up. I wish you were here,” he said, feeling worried and wanting to hold her close. “Me too,” she agreed. “It’s always fun to watch a storm together. I guess I’ll have to be content with my parents and Danny for now.” She sighed dramatically. “Poor kid is bored out of his mind. He shut his computer down in case of a lightning strike, so now I guess I’ll have to keep him out of trouble.” Sean chuckled lightly, imagining her rolling her eyes in mock exasperation. Rebecca giggled, “I’m thinking about teaching him to crochet. I just know he’d love it.” Her unabashed laughter came through clearly. Sean couldn’t help but join in, remarking, “You just need to have him help you finish that sweater for Rascal! That way the poor kitty can stay nice and warm on this stormy night.”   
Rebecca laughed loudly, snorting at the idea of both her brother helping and her cat even wearing the sweater at all. “Oh that would be so much fun, but I’m afraid it might not work out as well as we hope.” “You just need to have a little more faith,” Sean smiled, mirth infusing his words.   
“I love you,” Rebecca said simply, and Sean could hear the sincerity of her words. “I love you, too,” he echoed back to her, putting as much feeling into it as he could. “Let’s get together tomorrow, huh? My place or yours— I don’t care which.”   
“I’m all for that,” she responded, warmth and certainty echoing solidly.


	6. Nightmare

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has an emotional breakdown with some flashbacks and panic. Just be aware in case this might be a trigger for you.

* * *

The evening before moving day, Rebecca joined Sean and Dennis for a quiet take-out dinner at home, which they were currently lingering over as conversation flowed. Sean had felt jittery the whole meal, and he hoped neither she nor his father could see how tense he was. He wrestled with his thoughts, unable to put them to rest, utterly distracted until he realized the conversation around him had suddenly come to a stop. He looked up, seeing his dad looking at him expectantly. "I’m sorry, what?" he asked.  
Dennis began to repeat the question, but instead amended, "Are you all right, Son? Your mind seems elsewhere."  
Sean struggled to put his thoughts into words, his mouth opening and closing. "It’s this move," he started, then stalled out. His dad asked, "What about it?" Sean hesitated, then finally he blurted, "I can’t help but feeling as if we’re making a big mistake—this feels all wrong. We can’t just leave all this behind." _That sure didn’t come out right,_ he thought with a wince.  
"What? What do you mean?" his dad looked at him with his brows furrowed.  
Sean stood from the table in a rush and splayed his hands in front of him. "I just don’t feel comfortable with it, okay? I know it's totally crazy to feel this way, but I can't help myself." his jaw clenched in frustration.  
"What are you saying? We’ve been talking about this for a few months now. You’re just getting cold feet. Don’t worry, it’ll work out fine," Dennis remarked, rising to face his son and patting him on the shoulder.   
Sean didn't feel reassured at all. "Dad, I— is there any other alternative to going through with all this? Please tell me there is another option," he pleaded, feeling irrationally desperate as sweat broke out on his forehead. Rebecca rose to stand beside Dennis, beginning to look concerned. "Sean," she began softly, then subsided.  
"The movers are coming tomorrow morning, Sean—we can’t back out now," his dad interjected, sounding tired and irritated. "The house is already sold! What do you expect me to do?"  
"I don’t know! I just—I can’t do this, it’s too much! I can’t handle it!" Sean’s voice rose as he strove to be understood. Rebecca stretched a hand out to touch his arm, but he stepped back, hands clenched to stop them from shaking. Her hand fell to her side, concern plainly written on her face.  
"Hey, I know this is hard for you. But we’ve got to move forward with this. You’re going to be okay!" Dennis said forcefully, trying to convince and appease simultaneously.   
Barely-contained emotion quivered underneath the taught muscles of Sean's shoulders and jaw. Rebecca stepped towards him again, but he didn’t want to be placated. Eyes burning, his voice cracked as it rose in anguish and frustration. " _No!_ I’m _NOT_ okay! _NONE_ of this is okay! I didn’t ask for _ANY_ of this!!" he exploded. He turned and fled the room, but not before he caught a glimpse of the shock frozen on the faces of his father and girlfriend.   
He snatched his jacket from the hook and ran out of the house, slamming the door behind him. But he couldn’t outrun the guilt and shame peaking to a crescendo, and the wave of emotion crashed down as the tears finally broke free and coursed down his face. Grabbing his bike from the garage with a jerk, he hopped on and sped down the street, wishing the coming darkness would swallow him whole. Stifling his sobs with one arm, he coasted down the hill away from his childhood home. Whispers of old memories rose up in his mind, and he felt powerless to keep them away.  
_The knife._  
 _The darkness._  
 _The pain._  
Hardly even seeing where he went, he sped down a quiet side road and pedaled furiously, finally stopping when he saw an empty field between two lots. He tossed his bike to the side and sought shelter under the low branches of an evergreen tree near the roadside. Flashbacks of his abduction began to assault his mind in earnest, leaving him shaking, his head on his knees. 

* * *

Rebecca stood rooted to the spot momentarily as the front door slammed, rattling the front window in its pane. She had a sinking feeling this had been a long time coming, and she had missed the signs. She’d thought Sean was coping well. Suddenly her mind snapped to the present, and she dashed out the front door, Dennis on her heels. They both saw Sean hop on his bike and start down the street in the semi-darkness. Rebecca panicked for a second, then called in a rush as she ran to the garage, "Can I borrow your bike?" Dennis called out in agreement, as he headed to the car. Rebecca admonished quickly, "Why don’t you start it, but wait here? I might be able to talk him down, but I’ll call you if I need you!" she shouted the last of her words as she'd already jumped on the bike and shot down the street after Sean. Dennis stood staring after her, open-mouthed, then considered what she had said. He watched her until he couldn’t see her anymore, cell phone in hand, praying she would find his son. As the minutes ticked by, he started to put the vehicle in gear a half-dozen times, but stopped in indecision. _Maybe Rebecca will have better luck if I stay out of it. She always seems to know how to help when he’s upset,_ he thought, feeling confused and guilty for his part in the argument.   
Ten minutes later, he was beginning to rethink driving after them. His mind scrambled for ideas, wondering if the cell phone company could track Sean’s whereabouts. Anxiety mounted higher and higher as time seemed to slow to a crawl.   
Fifteen minutes later, Dennis was buckling up while backing down the driveway when Rebecca texted him three short words— _I found him._ In relief he sagged against the seat, head in his hands, blowing out the breath he’d been holding. 

* * *

Rebecca pedaled for all she was worth towards the receding form of her boyfriend in the distance. Breathing fast, her heart beating, she squinted to keep his dim shape in her line of sight, barely catching him turning down a side street, briefly illuminated in the circle of light from a street lamp. She was grateful that the neighborhood was quiet this time of night, the few cars on the road giving her a wide berth as she raced past parked vehicles. Rounding the corner, she caught sight again of Sean up ahead and felt intense relief. Pedaling as fast as a she could, she kept pace with him, but was unable to overtake him until at last, he pulled off to an abrupt stop up ahead. She saw him practically fall off of his bike in his hurry to get off, and then he disappeared into a field. _Hurry, hurry,_ her mind pulsed with each breath, closing the distance and hopping off her borrowed bike in a rush.  
It was already almost completely dark, and Rebecca’s head swiveled left and right, searching for some sign of Sean. She started forward, calling his name. In a few moments she stopped abruptly, straining to listen, certain she’d heard something. The sound of stifled sobs drifted towards her, and she surged forward towards the noise. _”Sean!!”_ she cried out in mingled relief and worry as she spotted him, huddled beneath a tree. She sprinted towards him, quickly pulling her cell phone from her pocket and dictating a hurried text to Dennis: _I found him._ Falling to her knees next to Sean in a rush of breath, she brushed her hair out of her face and softly called his name. He didn’t move or acknowledge her presence, and her breath hitched in her chest. She tried reaching out to touch his shoulder, calling his name a little louder.  
Sean gasped loudly as he shot backwards away from her like a singed cat, one shaking arm flung outward to keep her at bay. Rebecca paled at his reaction, then softly, gently, called out to him. "Sean, it’s me, Rebecca. Please, love, I’m here to help. Nothing’s going to hurt you." Her breath quivered in her throat.  
His breathing stopped altogether for a few beats, and then he slowly raised his head and opened his eyes. "Rebecca?" he gasped in disbelief. "What are you doing here?" She could hear how much his voice shook. She slowly began to creep towards him, and said softly, gently, "I followed you here, love. I just want to help you." She eased up next to his side as he blinked and looked up at her. His eyes were wide and slightly unfocused as he panted, searching her face. She slowly brought one hand up to touch his cheek, making sure he could see it coming. He still flinched when she made contact, and she winced at the way he gasped, face twisting in remorse.   
"You must hate me now," he said with a shudder, seeming to come back to himself. He turned his face away from Rebecca, but she didn't remove her hand. She scooted even closer to him and drew him towards her. "No way," she said, wrapping both arms around his shoulders and pressing him close. "I'm just so glad I found you." He turned and pressed his face into her shoulder, and broke down sobbing. Rebecca held him close, rocking back and forth slightly, murmuring words of comfort, one hand making slow circles on his back. Her own tears made silent tracks down her cheeks, but she didn't wipe them away. She felt deeply disturbed by what had happened, but knew she would need to wait to ask questions until later. Right now Sean needed her.   
Some time later, as he slowly subsided on her shoulder, Rebecca told him, "I've never hated you for one moment. I love you, Sean. I'll always love you, no matter what happens." He remained silent, shuddering sighs into her shoulder, spent of tears but still shaking slightly. "How about you come spend the night with me tonight? Put moving out of your mind for now. Just be with me, as long as you like. What do you think?" Sean didn't answer, but he nodded mutely against her shoulder. She released a breath in relief. "I'm going to need your dad to pick us up and drive us over, okay?"   
Sean's head snapped up. "Oh no. _Dad."_ His face paled.  
Rebecca smoothed his hair away from his face. "What's wrong?" she asked gently.   
"He's going to be so mad." his voice shook.   
"No, I can promise you, he won't be," Rebecca reassured resolutely. "He'll just be glad you're okay." Sean lowered his head back to her shoulder, sighing deeply. He made no attempt to respond.   
Rebecca pulled her phone out with one hand, and reached both arms behind Sean's back so she could text Dennis while still keeping Sean in her embrace. She glanced up at a street sign by the road, squinting to make out the name, and asked Dennis to pick them up, telling him Sean would be spending the night with her. She asked if he could bring a change of clothes, and asked him not to say too much to Sean when he arrived--she felt he wasn't ready to face conversation just yet.   
A reply appeared little more than a minute later: _I'm on my way._ Rebecca sighed in relief and put her phone away, holding Sean a little tighter. He sagged against her, keeping his face hidden. "Love, I need to stand up with you, so your Dad will be able to see us," she gently murmured near his ear. He sighed and sat up, keeping his eyes averted, and shakily stood to his feet with her support. She put one arm around his waist and draped his arm across her shoulders, determined to support him as much as she could. Together they walked slowly back towards the roadside, at the same time as headlights appeared heading quickly towards them on the road. Dennis rolled up in his vehicle and came to a fast stop, hopping out of the door and leaving it ajar in his haste. "Is he all right?" he asked Rebecca breathlessly. "I think so, for the most part," she answered quietly, sending a look of compassion towards Sean's father. He looked distraught, his hair wild and his clothes disheveled. He reached for Sean's arm, gently giving it a squeeze. "I'm so glad we found you, Son. I thought I'd lost you for a bit there." Sean met his gaze with an agonizing look on his face, then ducked his head and mumbled an apology.  
Rebecca ushered him into the backseat and helped him buckle in, sitting as close to his side as she could and keeping an arm around him. She heard Dennis loading the bikes up in the back one by one, and then he got back into the driver's seat and turned the car around, heading for Rebecca's house. Rebecca again pulled out her phone and sent a quick text to her mom, asking if they could give Sean and her some privacy and quiet when they arrived.   
She put her phone away and tugged Sean closer to her as Dennis navigated what little traffic was on the road. His eyes kept seeking out Sean's in the rearview mirror, but his son kept his gaze averted. As they waited at a stop light, Rebecca met Dennis's searching gaze next, sending him an understanding look. _I'll call you,_ she mouthed silently, and Dennis nodded minutely.   
Arriving at the Summers' residence, Dennis hopped out and opened the back door for them. Sean seemed reluctant to move from Rebecca's side, so she whispered, "It's all right, I'll be right here with you the whole time." He shuddered and climbed out from the vehicle, again avoiding his dad's scrutiny by keeping his head down. But Dennis pulled Sean into a crushing hug, whispering to him, "I love you so much, I hope you know that, Son." Sean choked on a breath, his face twisted in dismay. Rebecca stood from the car and put a hand on Sean's back. Dennis released Sean and said in a rough voice, "Call me when you feel up to it, Bud," then gave Rebecca a meaningful glance and got back in the car. Rebecca nodded once and put her arm around Sean again, drawing him towards the front door. Finding it unlocked, she stepped inside with him still leaning on her slightly. She breathed a silent sigh of relief when she saw that none of her family were around, and she shut the front door behind them and led Sean towards her room, passing her brother's closed door in the hallway. Shutting her door behind them, she propelled him gently towards her bed. "Wait," he squeaked softly, and she stopped, looking up at him expectantly. He shrank back a bit, but still said in a whisper, "The bathroom, please." Rebecca nodded in understanding and strode down the hall with him, disengaging her arms from him at the bathroom doorway.   
Sean's face looked momentarily panicked. "Don't go anywhere?" he pleaded in a low voice. "Don't worry, I'll be right here, I promise," she soothed, and he nodded in relief as she shut the door.   
She waited in the hallway until she heard the door open again, and put a steadying arm back around Sean's waist as they headed back into her bedroom. She eased him down onto the bed, pulling his shoes off for him, and took his face in her hands. "Are you hungry at all? Thirsty?" she searched his face. When he shook his head, she nodded and curled into his side as he laid down. Pulling the blankets up over them, she put both arms around him and pressed a kiss to his forehead. "You're welcome to stay as long as you want, love," she whispered. "You don't have to go anywhere, do anything you're not ready for yet." Sean's body shivered slightly as he released a deep sigh, and his eyes drifted closed. She gently carded her fingers through his hair, over and over, for long moments as the shivering subsided and she could hear his breathing get slower and deeper. Once she was absolutely positive he was sleeping deeply, she rolled slightly away and spent quite awhile texting Dennis back and forth, answering his questions and making plans to have Sean meet up at the new place when he was ready for it. She told Dennis she would take good care of him, and that she hoped Dennis would be all right after all that had happened. Dennis assured her he would, and wished her a good night, after thanking her multiple times.  
Rebecca gave an involuntary sigh of relief knowing everything pressing was handled. A huge yawn overtook her and she stretched languidly, careful not to disturb Sean as he slept. She debated whether to leave him for a few moments, deciding to leave her door ajar in case he woke. She rose and took her own shoes off, leaving them next to Sean's, and replaced them with her favorite slippers before padding down the hall to the restroom. Then she stepped quietly out into the living room, still not seeing anyone about, not even the family dog. _Wow, they really took what I said to heart,_ she thought. Ascending the stairs softly, she knocked quietly on her parents' door, unsure whether they were even home. Her mother opened the door quickly, questions obviously written on her face, but remaining silent as Rebecca fell into her embrace with a soul-weary sigh. Her father came up next to them and put his arms around both of them.   
Rebecca led them both downstairs as she desperately needed something to drink, and a snack, and they both listened as she spoke to them in a hushed voice about the evening's events. Both Bonnie and Robert agreed that Sean could stay as long as he wanted to, and Rebecca felt grateful for that. Rebecca asked about Danny's whereabouts, and they told her that her brother was having an impromptu sleepover with a friend. "This sounded serious, so we thought it would be for the best," Robert said quietly. "Thanks, Dad," Rebecca murmured as she munched on some crackers.   
She excused herself not long after, saying she should get back to her room. Both of her parents wrapped her in a bear hug and wished her a good night. With a small smile, she slipped down the hall and back into her room, closing the door softly behind her. Sean still slumbered on, a frown creasing his features as he slept. Rebecca changed into pajamas and crawled in next to him, careful not to disturb him as she got comfortable for the night. 


	7. Surfacing

* * *

_Sean was drifting in the ocean. A vicious undertow threatened to submerge him, and he could barely keep his head above water. He thrashed and kicked, spitting water as his head went under again and again. Thunder crashed overhead, and the rain drenched his face every time he was able to come up for air. It was dark as night, yet a sudden light blinded him as lightning lit up the sky from underwater. Abruptly, the flash of the lightning on the water became the glint of light on the blade of a knife. Sean knew he wasn't supposed to make a sound, but he couldn't stop the whimper that escaped._  
  
The shaking was taking over his whole body when he sat bolt upright in bed, gasping in the semi-darkness. With both hands he frantically explored his midsection, relieved in the extreme to find everything in one piece. Wiping the sweat away from his face, he closed his eyes and tried to slow the headlong rush of his heart rate.  
"Sean?" a sleepy voice snapped his attention to its source. "Rebecca?" He felt bewildered for a few long moments. Why was Rebecca in his bed? "What...how...?" he started to ask, and then his memory of the night before clicked into place, and he realized where he was. His eyes grew wide and his hand flew over his mouth. "Are you all right?" Rebecca asked, sitting up on one arm. "You look like you've seen a ghost." She reached over and put a hand on his shoulder. "Uh..." he stammered. "Bad dream. And I, um...just remembered why I'm here."  
Her hand came up to cup the side of his face. "Hey. It's okay. We’re just going to relax and hang out, and you can just take a breather." He closed his eyes and shuddered. "Okay."  
"Do you think you'll want to sleep more? Or do you want to get up?" she asked, covering a small yawn. "What time is it?" he wondered. Rebecca squinted at the clock on the opposite wall. "Looks like maybe four-thirty-something," she replied. Sean groaned. "I don't think I'll sleep any more, but if you want to..." his voice trailed off, feeling guilty for waking her up. She gave him a half-smile. "I'm okay, I just need some caffeine. Let me visit the little girl's room, and I'll be right with you." Sean nodded. He felt uncomfortable having slept in his clothes, and wished he had something clean to change into. He said as much to Rebecca when she came back in the room. "Oh, but you do have clean clothes, let me get them for you," she responded, reaching for a plastic bag on the floor. "Your dad grabbed some stuff for you before he picked us up." Sean winced. "My dad... he'll be moving to the new place this morning. I should be helping him." He hung his head. Rebecca drew him close. "You know what? He has movers coming to help him. It's okay for you to just be here. Your mental wellbeing matters, too." Sean sighed. "But what if he can't forgive me for the things I said? It's not his fault I'm such a mess...that I can't just be what he needs me to be, and buck up and make this move work."  
"It's not your fault, either, love. You're doing your best, and I know you've tried so hard to be okay with this. But it's all right that you're not right now. Let's just see how it goes for you. I don't have anything planned for this weekend, so we can have it all to ourselves. Okay?"  
"But...shouldn't I...you know, talk to him?" Sean asked, his body tense in her arms. She brushed his hair back from his face and said, "It's too early to worry about that, anyway. He probably won’t be awake for a few more hours. Why don't you go ahead and take a shower? Make it as long and as hot as you want. I'll be in the kitchen when you're done." She leaned up to kiss him on the nose. He held her a little tighter. "I'd kiss you back, but I need to brush my teeth first," he said with a sheepish smile. "You can use my toothbrush if you want," she offered. "It's the purple one." "Thanks," he answered, squeezing her one more time, and grabbed the bag of clothes before quietly exiting the room. Rebecca sighed and stretched her arms up over her head, then put on her slippers and padded silently into the kitchen. She put on some soft music that wouldn't wake her parents, and turned on the tea kettle. When Sean stepped into the kitchen, he found her reading a book and sipping a cup of tea. She looked up and smiled. "Want some tea, or coffee? Are you hungry?" she stood and gave him a hug. He leaned in and kissed her slowly, and wrapped his arms around her. "Mmm... this is what I need right now," he said. Their kiss deepened, and he hungrily drew her even closer, an undercurrent of desperation in his movements. After several long moments she broke away slightly, looking him in the eyes. She could see the dark circles and the slightly haunted look he wore. "Are you okay?" she asked softly. Tapping him on the chest, she added, "I mean, in here, are you really okay?" He glanced away and made a face, a muscle working in his jaw. "No, not exactly," he answered. She drew him over to the couch, and curled up next to him as they sat down. A small _miaow_ preceded the soft thump of her cat, Rascal, jumping up onto the back of the couch. "Well, hello there, your Majesty," she chuckled, reaching up to scratch under his chin. Rascal purred and leaned into the touch, his tail swishing from side to side. "He's not wearing his little sweater, huh?" Sean asked with a strained smile. "Nope, once was all he was willing to tolerate. Now he just runs the other way when I get it out. I don't have the heart to put it back on him." she laughed, then turned serious. "So...talk to me, love. Tell me what you're thinking." He pulled her close so he could avoid her searching gaze, and sighed. "I don't even know what to say right now. Other than I'm a mess." "Can you tell me more about what happened last night?" she softly questioned, stroking his back with one hand. He stiffened slightly and drew away. "I just...had a breakdown, I guess," he responded uneasily. "I know, love." she answered gently. "Have you been getting enough sleep? Have you even been eating much? I think you've lost some weight in the past couple of weeks. I noticed, but I didn't say anything, thinking it was just the stress of the upcoming move. But I have a feeling it was more than that." Sean could tell she was trying to get him to open up, and he sighed. "I've spent the past couple of months trying to either pretend this move wasn't happening, or just forcing myself to get on with it. If I just pushed the feelings down hard enough, I could get the packing and sorting done. It was sort of working, until this past few weeks I just couldn't seem to fake it anymore. I kept trying, knowing my dad needed to do this, that it's important for his job, and that it's his house, and I'm just along for the ride, but..." he sighed and reached up to rub the side of his jaw. "I just...last night... something broke inside. I don't know if it can be fixed." he hesitated, and then added softly while looking away, "I was having flashbacks last night. I haven't had a full-on panic attack for awhile now, but last night... I'm not even sure how I got to where I was when you found me. It's a little scary not even remembering where I was." Rebecca nodded solemnly, reaching up to caress the side of his face. His distracted look zeroed in on her gaze, and he reached for her, capturing her lips with his. He sighed deeply as the drew apart. "I guess...I'm getting kind of hungry after all. And you know, some coffee would be awesome." She nodded. "I'll turn on the coffee pot. Why don't you see what looks good in the fridge? I know we've got plenty of eggs and some bacon, or we have cereal and oatmeal if you want something lighter."

* * *

The sun was just beginning to peek out over the horizon when they sat down to breakfast. Everything was quiet all around, and Sean started to feel himself relax as he and Rebecca ate quietly. They were just finishing up when Rebecca’s mom came down the stairs, their golden retriever bouncing ahead of her excitedly. "Come on now, Tanner, I’ll let you out," Bonnie admonished. She opened the sliding glass door in the living room, and Tanner shot out into the fenced backyard. Turning, she gave Rebecca and Sean each a smile. "Good morning, you two." They both echoed her greeting. "There’s still some coffee in the pot if you want some, Mom, and we made some extra of the bacon and eggs if you’re hungry. I figured you or Dad might be hungry when you got up." "Thank you, dear," Bonnie responded, moving to pour a mug for herself. Sean stood from his place and cleared his dishes away, putting them in the sink. "I hope we didn’t wake you," he said with a worried look. Bonnie sat her mug down and patted him on the arm. "Not at all. I’m a bit of an early riser, these days, though Robert won’t be down yet for awhile. I hope you’re doing all right?" she left her hand on his arm while looking into his eyes. Sean felt uncomfortable and glanced away, uncertain how to respond. Bonnie tutted and pulled him into a hug. "I'm so sorry to hear you've been having a hard time of it," she sympathized. A wall of longing and loss unexpectedly took his breath away. Though he didn’t remember his own mother, he still keenly felt the empty space in his heart where she belonged. He found himself abruptly sobbing into Bonnie’s shoulder as she held him close, making comforting noises and patting him on the back. Sean jerked away in embarrassment after a moment. "Sorry, Mrs. Summers, I didn’t mean to fall apart on you," he apologized, stepping back and grabbing a napkin to blow his nose. Shrugging, he attempted to lighten the moment. "I’m just a mess right now, what can I say?" Bonnie gave his upper arm a squeeze and flashed a sympathetic look. "You don’t have to apologize, dear," she told him kindly. Rebecca added from her place at the table, "You know the saying, 'Mi casa es su casa?' Well, I guess my mom is your mom now, too." She gave him a wink. Sean chuckled, feeling glad to be included in their family. Bonnie moved to help herself to some breakfast, chatting with Rebecca about her upcoming plans the following week.


	8. Resolution

* * *

Sean paced within the confines of the downstairs bathroom at Rebecca's house, his hands in his hair. Racing thoughts tripped over one another as his feet picked up their pace---back, and forth. Back, and forth. _What am I going to do about my dad?_ he thought. _The new house? I don't know if I can do this. I don't know why it's such a big deal._ He squeezed his eyes shut, his body finally slowing as the panic turned to silent tears. After a moment's pause to pull himself together, he leaned against the edge of the countertop, hands braced on either side of the sink. Looking into his reflection in the mirror, he evaluated what he saw. Dark circles under his eyes. Lashes damp with tears. Hair disheveled. He blew out a breath and frowned, determination balling his hands into fists. One way or another, he was going to do _some_ thing.

Stepping into the hot shower, he scrubbed determinedly, as if to dislodge his doubts by sheer force of will. After drying off and dressing, he stepped softly further down the hall to the laundry room, and put his clothes in the washer. He really needed to get his things from his dad's place, soon. Five days of cycling between two changes of clothes was getting old, fast. He tiptoed back through the hallway and into the kitchen, bypassing Rebecca's room. She had still been asleep when he'd gotten up, and he didn't want to wake her.

Sean quietly started the coffee machine as the early morning light filtered through the windows. Grabbing a bagel out of the fridge, he popped it into the toaster. The house was still and quiet; he loved this part of the day, when no one was around and he could relax and just be. Rebecca and her family were so kind to him, but he was actually missing the quiet of his home. Swallowing hard, he felt a deep ache at knowing that home no longer existed for him. He'd seen the new house, but he just couldn't seem to imagine feeling comfortable there. It was a nice place with a well-kept lawn and a detached garage. A big fenced-in backyard, situated on a quiet cul-de-sac. But...it wasn't _home._ Pouring the steaming coffee into his mug, he inhaled the scent as he stirred in sugar and cream. Buttering the bagel, he carried the plate to the table and chewed slowly, deep in thought.

Dennis had already bought a sturdy, used vehicle for Sean to use to be able to visit Rebecca or his friends. It wasn't here now, so he'd have to ask Rebecca or her family for a ride to the new place. But he assumed the little car would be there when he arrived, so he'd be able to come back here frequently. A thought popped into his head. Maybe Rebecca could come spend the night at the new place with him, to help him get settled in. Savoring the aroma while sipping from his mug, he contemplated facing his father. He couldn't help but feel embarrassed about his behavior; there was no one else to blame but himself. Even so, talking it over at length with Rebecca had eased his conscience a bit. He wanted to talk to his dad, but he hadn't spoken to him since that fateful night. A pang of guilt throbbed in his chest at how many days had gone by. He couldn't ignore his dad forever. But he wasn't sure he could face the disappointment he imagined he might hear in Dennis's voice. Still, he felt determined to set things right, so after finishing his breakfast, he slipped on his jacket and stepped out into the yard, enjoying the feel of the morning sun on his face. Pulling his phone from his pocket, he hesitated a moment before dialing his dad's number. Closing his eyes, his heart thudded in his chest while it rang a few times.

 _"Sean!"_ Dennis's relieved voice reverberated out of the speaker. Sean silently blew out a breath and answered.

"Hi, Dad."

* * *

Rebecca was in the driver's seat as they rolled down the freeway towards Sean's new house. He gazed out the window, feeling some apprehension as the miles brought them closer to their destination. Needing a distraction, he reached over to finger the ends of Rebecca's hair, making a smile play at the corners of her mouth. "Thanks for coming with me," he voiced, lightly touching the side of her face and tucking her hair behind her ear. "I'm happy to," she answered, laying one hand on his thigh and giving it a squeeze. He took her hand in his and squeezed it back. Sighing, he went back to looking out the window.

"How did the talk with your dad go?" she asked, glancing at him briefly. "Good," he answered, looking pensive. "I shouldn't have waited so long to talk to him. He's excited that I'm coming."

"What about you? Is this what you want?" she pressed, pinning him with a pointed look before returning her attention to traffic. "I think so. I guess this is the best option. I'd rather be closer to you, but I don't want to live in your house long-term. So this is the next best option, I think. At some point, if I start working again, I might like to get my own place. But for now...for now, this is okay." He gave her a half-smile. She nodded. "That makes sense."

Sean consulted his phone. "Looks like this is the exit coming up."

Fifteen minutes later, Rebecca pulled into the driveway of their destination. Sean let out a quiet breath, grabbed his bag and stood from the car. It was go time. He found himself staring at the blue siding of the house for a moment before blinking twice and making his feet move forward. He joined Rebecca, who stood at the front of the vehicle waiting quietly for him.

At the front door, he had barely knocked before Dennis was pulling him inside. He was vaguely aware of Rebecca moving past them and heading into the next room, as his father wrapped him in a crushing hug. The breath Sean had been holding left him in a rush. His voice cracked a little as he whispered, "I'm sorry, Dad." Dennis replied in a low voice, "You don't have to be sorry. I'm just glad you're here." Sean hugged him back and sniffed, struggling to hold back all the emotions he felt under the surface. Clearing his throat, he finally pulled away from his father's embrace. Dennis gave Sean a misty-eye smile, then took him on a quick tour of the new place. The living area stood straight ahead, with the kitchen to the right, where Rebecca was heating some water for tea. To the left, a small bathroom, next to the staircase to the upstairs. Dennis showed Sean his room, the first on the left at the top.

"I tried to put your furniture the way you had it at the old place, but there's still a lot of unpacking that needs done," he told Sean, gesturing to the boxes stacked against the wall and on the desk. Sean nodded. "Thanks, Dad." Dennis pointed out the laundry room, the bathroom, and the other two bedrooms. "Is Rebecca staying over tonight?" he asked Sean. "Yeah, that's the plan," he answered. "We have a spare bedroom, if she wants her own space," Dennis replied, gesturing down the hall. "Well, uh...I was kind of thinking she would stay in my room, if that's okay," Sean countered, heat rising in his face. Dennis chuckled. "Right, I should have expected that. No worries, Son. I won't come between you two." Winking, he clapped Sean on the back and headed back downstairs.

Sean exhaled in relief and shook his head with a grin. Stepping into the room, he poked around in the boxes he had packed himself back at the old place. Seeing his old things brought a warm feeling to his chest. Stepping downstairs, he joined Dennis and Rebecca in the kitchen. Her smile came easily as she blew on her cup of herbal tea and sipped it lightly. "Want some?" she asked him. He shook his head and came close to take her free hand.

Dennis poked around in the fridge, and announced that they'd be having tacos for an early dinner in a few hours. Sean felt that this was just right, and he and Rebecca got settled on the couch to watch a little TV. He took the opportunity to cuddle up close to her, and she curled into him and laid her head on his shoulder, sighing in contentment.


End file.
